Caught in the Middle
Age has been on my mind. Lately, I have found myself caught in limbo between being considered too old or too young for certain activities. Even feeling like I am out of place or out of my depth because of my age. I am 28 years old. Now, based off of your age, you have decided if you think I am “old” or “young.”
I started off the week feeling too old. Taking on an unpaid internship in hopes of getting practical experience in the career I would like to transition into has been a journey. Along with an internship comes some grunt work that I haven’t had to do since college jobs. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. However, when your boss and co-workers are all in their early 20s, they are sending weird vibes like they feel as if they are bossing around their mother… it’s just wrong. I’m only 28 but I feel old.
On the flip side, I have felt like an ignorant child as of late, doing “adult” stuff. For example, filing taxes. This year was a bit more complicated, tax wise, so we went to a professional. The tax rep was trying to explain, in layman’s terms, the complexities of our 1099s and deductions. It flew over my head like a football in high school… I felt stupid, too young to do taxes on my own.
Then my age slaps me in the face again at work. I was busy prepping models to come and get their make-up done when one of the interns asked how my daughter was doing… I don’t have kids. “Oh, I thought you were like 30… I just overheard someone say they thought you had a daughter.” I laughed it off, they are fresh out of college and can combine work and party like no one’s business. I get tired after 8 pm now. In fact, 90% of my cousins have started a family already. I feel old. Like my internal clock is ticking.
Speaking of starting a family. I don’t know the first thing about raising an infant. We want to try for a child, but it simultaneously terrifies me. What diaper size do you buy, food do you make, rash cream do you use? I know I will want to call my “mommy” every time the kid utters a peep of discomfort. I feel too young for the mommy world.
Too old to still be renting, too young to have saved up a significant down payment. Too old to be wearing that, too young to shop there. Way too young to retire, too old to start over from scratch and be fiscally responsible. It goes on and on. A roller coaster of where do I belong? Where is my tribe? I need support!
Does it ever end? When I am old and gray, I have a feeling we will be looking at assistant living home options and I will complain to my husband, “I am too young to be living here!” Even though those communities look like the bomb right now.
How does your age story compare? Or am I just the only weird one caught in the world of being in the middle?